Dear Koo, I was a friend of Chris's in High School, and I written to you before on this blog. Although I have not checked your blog in a while, I have always kept you, Gabriel, and Chris in my thoughts and prayers. So much so, that I actually had a dream about Chris last night. It was so funny because I don't think I have even seen Chris since 1996, but he looked and sounded just as I remembered him. As a result of the dream, I checked your blog, and saw that quite coincidentally you were writing an entry over in the UK, just as I was dreaming of him over here on NY time... Anyway, I am glad to hear that you no longer feel the guilt of letting yourself live a little more. What a breakthrough of sorts for you, and one that will hopefully give you peace as even more time passes. I can only imagine that letting go of the guilt an accepting Chris's condition on some level, will, at the very least, allow you more time to focus on Gabriel's happiness--and perhaps even your own happiness as well. From the way you describe Chris's love for you both, I assume he would you to be happy and live your lives to the fullest, even if he can't physically be present with you. As I have read this blog over the past years, you have been an undaunting pillar of strength and positivity. I am sure that I am not the only one who has been impressed, and has even used you as an example of how to get through a life crisis. Your triumph over tragedy is truly remarkable and Gabriel is an extraordinarily lucky young man (because lets face it, he really is quite the young man now....and so handsome!) I hope you do take the time to truly take care of KOO because you deserve it... You will all continue to be in my thoughts and I wish you peace and happiness in the days ahead. With love, Sharron