Koo, There are numerous people who follow this blog - friends of yours/Chris', direct siblings/parents/cousins of Chris', those who have a loved one who similarly suffers from a brain injury, and even "random" people who learned of Chris' situation one way or another. There is no "normal" cookie cutter way of responding to your situation. No one can possibly understand fully what you are going through - each situation is different. No one is judging you - and if they are, you should just ignore it as it's wasted negative energy. What's important now is for you to find balance in your life & to keep healthy physically and mentally as best possible - as Chris suggested in his loving note to you. You do have an intense personality (right?!) which is now coupled with a "ton of weight" on your shoulders both emotionally and physically. Last time I saw you in June, I worried about your stomach/heart pains and your lack of ability to sleep. Take your time in understanding what works best for you, Chris and Gabriel in terms of plans. Seek solace in those you trust and savor time with people, places and experiences that bring you peace and tranquility within the context of your life. You are admired and no one can judge. Take your time and acknowledge and own the feelings you have now as they are valid. I/we support you but want you to be healthy. It's not fair what happened to Chris & I pray for him continually. I also pray that you continually build the capacity to deal w/ this unfair situation of what happened to Chris - in the way that works best for you all things considered. I support you & love you as so many of us do. I just felt the need to comment publicly as I feel you expect others who read this blog have certain expectations of you. Let that go....there's no recipe for this situation which I know must be so very hard for an analytical person as yourself (it takes one to know one...wink, wink!). Love you, Annemarie xo