Very sorry about the lack of updates – in a sense, there isn’t much to update. I could not make it to the hospital until today (I had not seen Chris in about 3 weeks). There is absolutely nothing positive to be reported about his condition. We know how the visits goes: he is absolutely thrilled and excited at seeing us (which is so sad and heartbreaking), then I do the little things I normally do for him, Gabriel drives me crazy competing for attention, I take notes of things I need to follow up with staff/ carers/ therapists, and we leave – I am always emotionally crushed after these visits. More than 3 years after, I still can not believe what became of Chris and his life.

I do not have the time and energy to go visit him every weekend as we used to do before when my parents were here. I am also physically and emotionally tired. I can handle the physical tiredness but emotionally I find it increasingly difficult to go see Chris in his unchanging state. Gabriel also detests the word “hospital”, he cries, begs, implores, blackmails… but he does not want to go to the hospital… He has a very long list of things he would LOVE to do on his weekends with me, and I find it unfair for Gabriel to be forced to the hospital every weekend. I am not leaving him with a sitter on weekends as I also want to spend quality time with my son. So, put all this together and today was the first visit in three weeks.

I am trying to make sense of my life right now – it feels an endless struggle for day to day survival. It feels senseless and I am considering different options for the future. Obviously I am not equipped anymore to care for Chris with the same commitment and energy as before.

I keep in touch with his therapists and carers, despite no visible improvements, his care always requires a lot of monitoring and at any time, there is always something to be followed up on… I do not know when my next visit will be… I may try to find a solution during the week so that I do not have to force Gabriel to the hospital. The thing is… I am busy, overwhelmed and tired right now.