I had a good father’s day with Chris and Gabriel at the hospital yesterday. It was not tainted with the sadness that I normally feel – maybe because Gabriel was so excited and happy, playing with his toys, covering Chris with kisses. The sunny weather also helped.

I want to share the father Chris was until his injury… Gabriel was only 21 months old when he lost his father as he was… 100% present, involved, hands-on, ga ga doo doo goo goo dad da proud, loving … crazy in love with his son… I was the happiest in my life while we were waiting for Gabriel to arrive, newly wed, over the moon with joy, wondering how our little exotic baby would look like, and having Chris’ so involved on what I ate and what I did not eat to nurture out baby in my womb…

Then Gabriel arrived on a Monday night after 24 hrs of painful labor… and in a hospital room at NYU Hospital Chris sobbed and cried like a baby as soon as Gabriel was wrapped and put into my arms. It was so emotional that we all started to cry in the room because of Chris’ wailing… I NEVER saw him cry like that… I think being a daddy surpassed anything he had expected in his entire…

Gosh how much he loved his little boy… Chris would call Gabriel “Hey Mr. Maggoo” or “Hi Little Man”. Chris also tried to change Gabriel’s name to Sergio. Sergio!!!!! This conversation came up as we were about to be discharged and the hospital REALLY needed our paper work filled out. We had a massive argument and I told him he could NOT change the name after I had spent 5 months calling our baby Gabriel inside my belly. Chris was mad and said “Next baby, I will pick the name and you have no say on it”. I tell this story to Gabriel now and he giggles non stop at Sergio...

Boy Chris was tough on me… He would really give me the dirty looks if I did not burp Gabriel after breast feeding (I was so tired after a couple of weeks of feeding every couple of hours through the night). He would also grab me to say “Koo, I do not want to fight over this but you have to tell your mom not to sleep with the baby on his tummy on top of her”. He was VERY serious and I would have to explain to my mom that even though she did put all of her three kids to sleep in our tummies back then, Chris does not want you to do it, please please do not…

Once we had a fight over the outfit we would put on Gabriel. Chris also was sad the first day Gabriel walked into his nursery school without making a fuss or looking back to say goodbye. He told me that night that Gabriel did not cry, he was fine going into the school and he did not even looked back… I think in honesty he was heartbroken. He loved driving Gabriel to the school in the mornings.

The last memory I have of my day with Chris pre accident is splitting in the morning on April 21, 2005. I was turning right to go to the office and Chris was pushing Gabriel left to take him to school. Gabriel had just started to “talk” and Gabriel said cutely “Bye Mamae!” My eyes met Chris’ and we were both two melted butter parents in awe and in love with our baby.

Then life turned upside down. But even in the haziness of his injury, Chris speaks his love for Gabriel… Chris first smile EVER, that very first one while he was in between an open eye coma and a PVS diagnosis, was listening to Gabriel mimic animals on my lap at the RHN Hospital. I remember having Gabriel on my lap and we were doing the animal kingdom sounds “quack quack, moo moo, meaw meaw, etc”… Chris was on his wheelchair on his state of nothingness… and then as Gabriel was doing quack quack, Chris smiled… just this an one off subtle smile very early on in his injury. But it was for his son.

I know in my heart that Chris’ first priority, loyalty and love is towards his son, first and above all. Second I know he loved me more than I could ever explain or put in words. He supported me in every decision I made and always respected my opinions. That is why I am loyal to Chris; because he loved me so much. Gabriel and I were the most important thing in his life. I am not loyal and committed because of a ring in my finger or a piece of paper that says we were married 6 years ago. (BTW, this week I officially “celebrated” our 6th anniversary on the 11th of June). I do all I do for Chris to honor the love he felt for me and our baby, our FAMILY. I am so lucky for having been this privileged by Chris and Gabriel… and knowing LOVE in a way many will not.

Happy Father’s Day my sweet heart. Gabriel and I love you forever and always. You are ALWAYS in our hearts, our thoughts, our days, our prayers.

Always yours,

Koo and Gabriel