When you have experienced deep loss and pain, I guess you naturally become more compassionate and connected with other people’s loss and suffering as well. That’s been the case for me for sure… There is a couple my parents befriended at church who lost their twenty-something daughter in a tragic accident and ever since they learned about the reason’s behind my parents presence in London, they have wanted to go visit Chris at the hospital. The four of them finally went to see Chris today.

I just got home after a very long day that started at 4:00 AM as I had to catch a flight… my mom was in tears again… I think she is just emotional as she tells me how she and her friend held hands and prayed so hard for Chris’, both were sobbing as they prayed for Chris’ healing… also I think she was touched that recently made new friends would want to come to the hospital to pray for her son-in-law… as time went by, we do not have the whole world surrounding Chris and I as we used to have in the beginning… we are blessed by so many who care and consistently supports us, but I think it is only natural that you have less and less visitors, less and less phone calls, emails… life without any of what we go through is overwhelming enough, work, finances, relationships, problems, pressures, errands, lack of time, taxes… (I have not filed our US taxes in 3 years and have the IRS on the back of my mind more often than I would like to… urghhh)

So today my family and I are touched by this visit to Chris, their prayers and sincere feelings … My mom said Chris’ arms were so good today, his infamous left arm was down and loose and relaxed… yeah yeah… I wish I could scientifically understand why, because for two years we have tried everything without success, but now, his arm is getting better without many of the drugs he used to be on… I am thankful for this. ANY positive thing in ANY visit is better than “nothing new” that sometimes I get.

I have my shrink tomorrow as usual on Fridays, my dedicated hour of the week to unload. We have long agreed that I will NEVER accept what has happened to Chris and how he is today. No, it is not acceptable. But he works hard on helping me to ADAPT (not accept), but adapt to the situation. It took sometime for us to agree on the correct terminology (ha, ha). I will never accept it. Some days are better than others… I know I am tough, very strong and independent, but sometimes I miss Chris so much, his voice, his presence, having someone to share your day, to give you a big hug and kiss, to be taken care of like he used to… to make plans, to laugh together… knowing that it does not matter what, you had that one partner in life who was your best friend and advocate, his calmness, his blessed soul and heart… off course I have my mom, dad and Gabriel… but it is not the same. No, it is not self-pity, it is just missing all I have lost … will we ever be together again…