Long day today… rushed in the office to meet a deadline, got on the train to go to Holy Cross and meet the rehab doctor (can’t spell his name) and hospital director Carol (plus Mary, head nurse, who I had met before when I first visited Holy Cross). Came back, put Gabriel in the car to visit Chris and we just got back as we got kicked out almost 10:00 PM. Both Alcione and Gabriel are on vacation since yesterday and Gabriel sleeping time is already close to midnight, so he was playful and happy at the hospital and as usual did not want to leave.

I spent over an hour meeting with the team from Holy Cross this afternoon. What can I say? What a fine gentleman was the doctor … and I liked him instantly – to be very frank, very different from the doctor from the JacobCenter. Everyone I met at Holy Cross just gives me the comfort I need to leave Chris under their care.

We talked about many aspects of the healing process, their approach to therapies, what I expect for Chris… that I want to be in a hospital that allows me to provide Chris with everything possible, everything that is within my human realm to help Chris recover… acupuncture, his massages, other therapies… in a hospital that will do everything within their medical, clinical, and therapeutic ability to ensure Chris is given every opportunity to heal… I want everyone and all surrounding him to do everything that is humanly possible, and then whatever it is in the scope of the divine, so be it…Everyone was very sympathetic and compassionate… So the good news of today is that I have already requested that the social worker proceed with all formalities to transfer Chris to Holy Cross. Most likely nothing will be finalized until mid to end of January given that Christmas is just around the corner.

The next steps on this front are: team comes to assess Chris at Putney and go through his medical files, and put forward the funding request based on the package they deem appropriate for Chris. Things happen very slowly in the UK so I don’t think anything will happen until after the holidays.

Regarding our visit to Chris this evening… what can I say? He was in bed just staring into the ceiling. I think he was aware of our arrival but tonight he was not focusing as much nor paying that much attention to me or Gabriel. I looked at him as we arrived and I knew he had been in that position since he was transferred from his wheelchair probably around 6:00 PM. No one really knows how my heart feels when I see Chris in that bed. He looks perfectly whole, gorgeous as always with his crispy blue eyes. But his body is laying there in the same position that was set up for him at time of transfer from his chair… How does he feel? What does he think? Does he suffer? I try hard not to cry around him but lately I can’t help it. I hug him and just weep and sob uncontrollably… Does he know I love him more than anything in this world? I always hold him with all my love and hope that love, not just mine, but Gabriel’s, our families and friends, our love and our prayers will somehow touch and heal him… I must believe in it…