Tragedies though bring the worse and the best out of people. Some of the worse is not hearing from close friends you expected that would be there for you. I lost “friends” I thought were my true friends. But among the horrible letdowns I had since Chris’ injury, the greatest spit on my face came from within (Chris’) family. In all of my 30 something years of life, I have never before encountered this level of self-interest, egoism, hypocrisy, immaturity and pettiness from any single individual. Translated into simple language, I have never met a jerk of this magnitude. There is no one in the entire world that I despise more. No one else disgusts me in such manner. I will tell why…
When it became clear that Chris would be in hospital long term in that first week when my entire world flipped upside down, I was worried about not only paying our bills single handily but about finding suitable babysitting arrangements for our 20 months old son, so that I could take care of Chris and be with him while he was in ICU. I turned for help to the people who are obviously closest to Chris: his parents. I thought they would be thrilled at the opportunity to help as that would be ultimately helping Chris and his son and their grandchild. I asked for help with babysitting money. His father’s answer with the most puzzled look on his face was:
“I do not understand why I have to help you with your nanny. He is your son and your responsibility. If it was to buy medicine for my son, I’d do everything, I’d mortgage my house if necessary. But Gabriel is your problem; I do not see why I have to help.”
Word by word exactly as written above... My shock and disbelief when I heard them are indescribable and even after two years I simply can not believe that any decent human being could say such horrible, disgraceful, shameful and despicable words. I think of these words everyday because I will never in an entire lifetime be able to erase the ugliness and repulsiveness of the meaning behind them. But these words actually provide the best indication and hint at the type of person behind them.
I guess nothing else should have surprised me afterwards. That from my point of view, despite everything I have done for my husband Chris, I have NEVER received any support (emotional, financial or otherwise NONE) from his parents or siblings. Nevertheless, I put “father” George Barnes on a separate category all of his own.
I wish I could really register for the records – and for Gabriel and Chris to know – all this man has done and said to his mother / wife in the last two years while I was going through the most tragic challenge of my life. But I think it suffices to put out the beginning (as described above) and the end.
The end is summarized on the email below. To put it into context: after two years of total inaction regarding the enormous costs related to Chris’ care and maintenance, his father finally decided to organize a fundraiser to “help with the treatment in China”. Afterwards, it became clear WHY he had finally done something. Below is his email with how he intended to use the money from a fundraiser which was carried out for “Chris’ care and maintenance” – for which by the way he never in the last two years offered a penny.
From : George Barnes
Sent : Sunday, April 29, 2007 9:16 PM
To : Koo Cho
CC : Donna Barnes
Subject : Re: Use of Proceeds
Hi
Our fundraiser, a simple raffle, has raised an astronomical amount of $49,055.00. We are in the process of thanking everyone for their love, caring and support of Chris through Friends and Family. Over 1,000 people contributed to our fund.
Our primary expenses to date are estimated at $34,180.35. This includes $23,000 for two payments for stem cell treatments, $6,607.45 for transportation and visa's for six people, and approximately $3,000 for apartment rentals. We have estimated transportation, food, supplies, pads, supplement costs etc. at approximately $250-300 per week. Related ancilliary costs, if any, are really unknown at this time ?
The balance in the Friends and Family account will be primarily earmaked for transportation and lodging costs for family members to travel to the U.K. for visitation with Chris for the balance of the year. When we run out of money, we will host another fund-raiser.
thanks, George
I will give a debriefing of what is wrong with the email above.
1. The balance on their fund for their future travel to the UK is $16,447.55. Meanwhile, I would still have close to $20,000 in expenses related to Chris’ treatment in China that were not covered by any fundraiser including more direct and essential costs such as: Chris’ own air tickets, nurse required and hired on flight, helper Hwang hired to care for Chris, etc etc.
a. That his & his family future travel to the UK should take precedent over Chris’ treatment in China is wrong.
b. That I should be bearing the costs once again alone after all these years when not a single penny was offered to help with any of Chris’ therapies is outrageous.
2. The Friend and Family Trust first of all (1) reimburses for transportation and visa's for six people, and approximately $3,000 for apartment rentals. These people include: George Barnes, his wife Donna, his ex-wife Maureen and each bringing a companion. Questions:
a. Why only “them”? Did not I and my parents also come to China for the exact same duty of caring for Chris and making this possible for Chris? The obvious answer is: The trust from the onset was set up only for the benefit of George Barnes’s Friends & Family. That is obviously the criteria to get reimbursed. Even Chris’ transportation did not make the cut. How pathetic.
b. “We have estimated transportation, food, supplies, pads, supplement costs etc”. Why is local transport (less than $4 dol per day) and all these petty expenses being reimbursed? This is how I run my corporate account, when I collect every receipt for reimbursement. This money is precious money that was donated for Chris’ care and maintenance. Not to reimburse them for food and supplies.
3. “When we run out of money, we will host another fund-raiser.” When George runs out of money to pay for his trips to the UK, he will host another fundraiser.
a. What about “when Chris requires more money for additional treatments and to relieve the burden on his wife/ son, we will host another fundraiser?”
b. What about “as Chris will require continued and long term treatment, we will continue our efforts to support our son on his fight for recovery?”
c. No “When we run out of money, we will host another fund-raiser”. When he does not have any balance left to pay himself for tickets and hotel, he will again do something. Off course, because that is the only thing that motivated him in the first place and it is the only way he will ever do anything for his son.
A trustee of the Chris Barnes Medical Fund attempted to contact the family to discuss the outstanding costs in respect of the China Stem Cell Therapy costs. A simple message was left: “we still have many outstanding costs related to China. Please call to discuss”. The phone calls were never returned neither by George nor Kim Barnes (Chris’ sister and a trustee of the Friends & Family Fund).
I do not understand what makes the “entire family” so “entitled” to take ownership of donated money away from Chris’ care and maintenance when they have NEVER contributed with anything in respect to Chris’ care and maintenance – namely financially there was not a penny of help... but they feel entitled to be helped financially. WHY? I must be missing something.
I can not put in words how much outrage and anger their pettiness and stinginess causes me. The total lack of respect and disregard to me, Chris’ wife and sole caregiver, is probably what hurts me so deeply. But the selfishness and pettiness of their acts is the one thing that I find it unforgivable.
For a matter of principle, I have not accepted a penny from this trust. Accepting anything would mean condoning the use above. And not only I do not condone, but I think it is plain THEFT which should be punished with a criminal charge.
Lastly I just want to offer my deepest apologies for the people who erroneously thought they were helping Chris’ care and maintenance and generously donated to him. Unfortunately this was not the case but legal action is under way to ensure the money is redirected to Chris’ care and maintenance.